When they announced the varsity team that year, I was listed as an alternate. This was untrue, as many of the bases who had put me up in the past were still on the team, but I just said okay. Luckily, I was the most flexible girl on my team. In order to prove to us that she could, in fact, whip us all into shape, she had her assistant coach stand up and tell us a story about how she was too fat to be a cheerleader until Nicole took her under her wing. My freshman year of high school, I made the varsity cheerleading team, which was a dream come true.
She asked Tina how much she weighed, to which Tina answered pounds. My freshman year of high school, I made the varsity cheerleading team, which was a dream come true. It was a number of factors. As sophomore year came and went, I became more skilled and an even more integral part of the team. Nicole was the ringleader of the new coaching staff. I had been on varsity since I was a freshman. I would spend hours in front of the mirror dissecting my body, standing with my back to the mirror and pulling my thighs as far apart of they would go, or shaking my leg to see how much fat jiggled. My sophomore year of college, I developed an eating disorder: I maintained my grades, but the majority of my time and effort was spent on cheerleading. I will never understand why she made a group of girls so aware of their bodies at such a delicate age. Because I grew up so tiny, I was unaware of my body. My background in ballet and petite body made it easy for me to excel as a flyer. While I was having trouble mastering a new stunt, Nicole made her way over to my stunt group. One practice, some of the girls were goofing around and put Tina up in a stunt as a flyer. In fact, while having us do crunches, Nicole would instruct us to place a hand on our stomach and if we felt anything soft, it was fat. I may have been a fierce flyer, but I was still a very meek girl. I practiced ballet until I turned 13, at which point, I shifted my efforts toward cheerleading. It was fairly effortless to toss me in the air and for me to put my leg behind my head. In an ideal wold, girls would never have to be that aware of their bodies. I can, however, point my finger at her for making me so very aware of my body in a way I had not been before. Then, Nicole looked over at me and asked how much I weighed, to which I replied pounds. I would watch my other teammates argue with each other or tell the coaches that they should be the center point, but I would just do as told. It was the only thing I participated in at school. My junior year of high school, a new coaching staff took over the cheerleading team. I could try to understand her thought processes all day, but I never will.
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